


Fox and Hound are Friends

by rosecampion



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Bad Fic, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-07-12
Updated: 2002-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-21 03:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11348604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosecampion/pseuds/rosecampion
Summary: A slashy salute to one of my favorite children's stories? An attempt to be funny? Maybe. John makes cookies. Fox attempts to find will power.





	Fox and Hound are Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

Fox and Hound are Friends

## Fox and Hound are Friends

#### by Rose Campion

Fox and Hound Are Friends 

Warning: bad fic or humor or something like that. I've been working in the children's department at the bookstore too long. This is the first in a series I'm going to write, a slashy salute to some of my favorite children's books. This one is a take off from a chapter of "Frog and Toad Are Friends" by Arnold Lobel.  
Disclaimer: if y'all knew better, nobody would let near a computer, but since I'm allowed to do as I please, I will. Fox and John and Frog and Toad are all characters and stories created by other people. This story is the product of my imagination. Make of that what you will. Rating: PG. This is a children's story after all. Well, sort of.  
Archiving: No, please. I'll take care of it and put it up where I want.   
Pairing: John and Fox   
Summary: John makes cookies, Fox tries to find will power. 

Fox opened the door, wondering why whoever it was had bothered to knock. Nobody knocked. The lock had been picked so many times that it didn't work anymore. On the other side of the door was his boyfriend John, carrying a big red tin in his arms. John didn't have a key. Why bother? He could just let himself in like every consortium flunky and spy did. Still, John was a Southern gentleman at heart, so he knocked. At least he did these days. John had let himself into the apartment with a lock pick more than a few times, but that had been before he was Fox's boyfriend, so it was okay, and besides, he'd apologized for it already. 

"I made cookies," he said, putting the tin into Fox's arms. 

"You did what?" Fox asked, in wild disbelief. He could believe in seven impossible things before breakfast, including aliens, that the haberdashers had really been the ones to asassinate President Kennedy and that the latest brand of laundry soap really was new and improved, but he couldn't quite grasp that his boyfriend had anything to do with Nestle's tollhouse morsels beyond maybe eating them. 

"I made cookies. Don't look at me like that." 

"Like what?" 

"Like I just did something freaky like all that UFO crap you believe in. My ma taught me how. There's nothing else to do in Georgia." 

"My mom never taught me how to bake cookies." Fox said wistfully. 

"Yeah, well, your family really puts the fun back into dysfunctional. Have a cookie." 

A few minutes later they were sitting on Fox's couch, eating cookies. They were good cookies, perfect golden brown rounds of crunchy goodness. They had, not just morsels of chocolate in them, but also toasted pecans. The tin was huge and it had been filled to the top with cookies. 

Had been filled to the top. A short while later, a significant dip had been made into the cookie quantity and John was brushing cookie crumbs off his chest onto the couch. Fox frowned at that. Even though he'd once thought to himself that he wouldn't toss John out of his bed for eating crackers, it was a different thing altogether to actually contemplate sleeping on crumbs. He'd just have to talk John into letting them spend the night at his house out in the suburbs. Not that it would be hard to do that. 

Then John reached into the red tin sitting between them on the couch for another cookie. "I should probably stop," he said between a bite of cookie and sip of milk. Of course they had milk. Did you think that they were going to eat the cookies with beer? The real X-file here, of course, is how a quart of milk that wasn't past the buy-by date had appeared in Fox's refridgerator. 

Okay, perhaps it was not such a mystery. John knew his boyfriend and had brought the milk along with the cookies. 

"I think I need to stop too," Fox said, as he reached for his fifteenth cookie. "My stomach is going to hurt if I eat much more." 

"Just one more," John said, reaching for another. Fox thought John sure was cute with cookie crumbs on his lip, but then Fox always thought John was cute. 

"Just one more," Fox promised. 

But when their one last cookies were mere crumbs and a pleasant memory, they both looked at each other, then at the tin. 

"Just one more very last cookie," John promised. 

"Just one very last one," Fox confirmed. 

Yet when that very last one cookie was gone, they surprised each other, their hands meeting in the cookie tin. 

"We need some will power," Fox pronounced. 

"Last I heard, that stuff wasn't just laying around," John said, trying to reach for another cookie. But Fox had grabbed the tin and was holding it out of reach. "Hey, give me a cookie. Brat!" 

"I know where we can get some," Fox said. He put the lid back on the tin and set it on the end table. "There look. Will power." 

"We can just take the lid off," John said, reaching over Fox's lap to grab the tin. 

Fox neatly grabbed the tin and traipsed over to his desk. He started taping the lid of the tin shut with a generous quantity of scotch tape. "See, look, even more will power," Fox said. 

"Hey! That's where the office tape dispenser went. Gimme that! That's official FBI tape!" 

"I'm just building a better life by stealing office supplies. What are you going to do about it, fibbieboy? Get me fired?" 

That was a sore point between them still. They had met at work, but Fox no longer worked at the same office as John. They had had a few fights about that. They were happiest when they forgot about all that. 

John decided to forget about the tape. There were far more important things to think about at the moment. "Just give me the tin. I'm gonna take that tape right offa there." 

John tried to take the tin back from Fox, but Fox danced neatly out of the way. "Just give me the cookies and nobody gets hurt," John threatened. 

"If you have a stomach ache, then that means I'm not getting any tonight. Nookie or cookie, it's your call," Fox said, reasonably. 

John thought about this for a moment. "Right. Will power. Where do we get some?" 

"I have an idea," Fox said. 

Twenty minutes later, they were getting out of John's truck at the park. Fox still had the tin firmly in his hands, resisting the cookiehound's attempts to get just one last morsel. 

"I don't know about this, Fox," John said, doubtfully. 

"Just trust me here, John. We need will power," Fox said as he headed to the shore. In a moment, he saw exactly what he hoped he'd find. He headed straight for the big flock of geese. They were the big, fat Canada honkers that seemed to populate every city park with a sizeable body of water in it. As John watched with a dropped jaw, Fox opened the tin and threw handfuls of cookies left and right into the flock. Soon, the tin was empty. 

"See, look," Fox said, turning his back to the flock of honkers. "We have all the willpower we need." 

"Don't look now, but it looks like your fan club wants some more." 

Fox had forgotten how sassy the Canada geese that inhabited the city parks could get. They were advancing on him, a perilous mass of black and white and grabbing, hissing beaks. One particularly bold gander made a darting peck at the tin. Fox dropped it and ran. The honkers gave chase. Fox and John made it back to the truck, just barely in time. Confronted with the truck, the geese scattered back to the shore. 

John laughed thoroughly at Fox, then said, "I think I've had about all of your will power I can take. I'm going home to bake a cake." 

oOo 

coming soon..."If You Give a Fox a Cookie..." 

* * *

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Rose Campion 


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